I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
