all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
