It's just like the Real World with babies
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I can't turn off my feet"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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