I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It was like getting head from an anaconda
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Dear god my vagina.
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