Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
