It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
