had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
