I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
