I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
