So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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