we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
