mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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