i don't like sucking hair
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
