I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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