I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
