Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Holy sore nipples Batman
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
