I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
