Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
