fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I lost the right to judge tonight
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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