I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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