She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
