i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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