Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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