Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
