i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
