just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
