He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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