Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
