Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
