Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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