I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
