she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
