While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
