So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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