yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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