I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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