apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
