margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
