I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
