Moan for me like Helen Keller
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
