He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
