Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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