i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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