She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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