is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
