I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
