you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
