my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
