And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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