i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
