Pants 0. Shit 1.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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