his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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