he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
