Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
