Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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