I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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