did you get engaged???
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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