Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
