Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Ketchup is God's man juice
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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